Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the idea of marriage. Maybe it's because I'm attending a wedding over fall break. Maybe it's because girls in my sorority and people on the Hustler staff are married or engaged to be married. Maybe it's because I spend too much time watching other couples - young and old - in love. Or maybe I just watch too many movies.
It's just so strange to me that my peers are at a point in their lives where marriage is something they want. I always told myself I was too independent to ever need a guy and that I didn't want to be married until my 30s. My thinking behind that was that if I waited, I would have plenty of time to do all of the things I wanted to do alone and also, I could make damn sure that the person I did end up choosing was really better than all the others, and therefore presumably the best for me.
Trusting myself has caused me to make quite a few mistakes in my nineteen-year life. Small-scale example: perm. I am faced with this mistake almost daily, as I was told at the DMV that I could not have a new drivers license photo taken (probably just because they got a laugh out of my smiling sixteen-year-old self with big 80s hair). But hey, I thought I looked pretty good back then. Obviously, everyone has had some rough years as far as looks (or hairstyles, more specifically) are concerned, so it's not a tragedy that I'm stuck with a lousy picture for a while. What scares me is the thought that if I decided to get married at a young age because I thought it was a good idea at the time, that that decision could potentially be something I'd look back and regret in the same way I regret hairstyles of ages past. Cutting your hair, buying a flat iron, or taking a trip to your colorist are nothing in comparison to getting divorced or living the rest of your life with a partner you're not really in love with anymore.