Despite my earnest prayers that the Phillies be swept so decisively that Jason Werth's awful facial hair fall off his face in shame (for great is my hate for Philadelphia as a Redskins victim and Braves fan), Cliff Lee dominated, DOM-AH-NAY-TED tonight. He even defeated Sex Magic.

Sex Magic! She sparkles like Edward Cullen! She offers tight-lipped smiles and sly looks! She follows the team around in a bus and the bat boy smokes a lot of pot and falls in love with her just before the Yankees trade her to the White Sox for Octavio Dotel and a bucket of balls! "I'm never as good as when you're here!"

Yes, Sex Magic. What other explanation can we have for Alex Rodriguez’s sudden and discomforting ability to wrench his hands from his throat, pick up a bat, and destroy Twins and Angels?

Cliff Lee killed Sex Magic. He topped out at 93 mph tonight, but looked filthy (16 of 32 batters faced got first pitch strikes) and became the first World Series with 10 strikeouts and zero walks since Deacon Phillippe* in 1903.

*Tonight’s edition of Worthless Trivia: This is also the name of Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon’s son. Apparently, the actor’s a distant relative of the pitcher. This concludes Worthless Trivia, which is sort of womanly in this instance. Coincidence?

Anyway, Game 1 was a game of individuals. Line them up: Lee, Jeter, Utley, CC. Lee’s spoken for, Jeter collected three of the Yankees’ six total hits, Utley hit two solo shots, CC tossed a stunner that, while not Sex Magic defeating, would deliver a decisive win on most days (7.0 IP, 2ER on two solo shots, 4H, 6K). Storyline: Two middle infielders hobbled by age and injury, respectively, with the defensive range of the blind, shoulder their teams and dual for the World Championship with all-out clutch hitting, the kind of clutchness that no one can duplicate, that renders turning the channel suicide, that delivers history.

But, alas, it’s a game of individuals. And, so, discussion topic: Time to stop throwing Phil Hughes out as the setup guy? That Game 5 fiasco in Los Angeles looked bad. Damaso Marte, however, volunteered himself to sit in the corner and cry in that one, though. Now, this: two walks, two earned runs, no batters retired in a 2-0 game.

Clearly, Phil Hughes needs to start sleeping with Kate Hudson.