We all know that the current health care debate is a hot mess. Health care reform’s passage at this point could pretty much come down to how a few select lawmakers are feeling when it comes to a vote — whether they’re having a good hair day, if they ate a tasty lunch, etc. (I’m talking about you, Olympia Snowe). If only Tim Gunn could come in and tell Congress to just make it work. Alas, Congress has no such guidance. Instead, our representatives and senators are madly tacking on and cutting out amendments, like sequins on a mini-dress gone bad, to please the most capricious of their colleagues. Our Washingtonians just can’t resist the opportunity to be mysterious. Will they go for the public option or won’t they? Enough with the fickleness, Congress.
The legislators have had their run at it, and now we need to think of a new solution to the health insurance problem. My proposed answer is what I like to call “Survival of the Cutest,” inspired by the recent advent of health insurance for pets. At first this idea of covering animals struck me as a bit bizarre, especially because I know someone who doesn’t have health coverage for herself but does insure her cat, because he’s adorable. The same principle supports the decision of a couple who told their story on NPR’s “Planet Money” podcast. They have insurance for their hedgehog, Harriett, because when she curls into a little ball and sticks her quills out it’s delightful despite being a little dangerous. Harriett is currently on anti-psychotics, which I thought sounded like the perfect solution for her owners. After a conversation with my friend the future cat lady, however, I realized there might be something to the whole insure-the-cutest thing.
“Hey, crazy lady, how did you figure that one?” I asked her. Her answer more or less boiled down to the fact that she covers her cat because he’s so darn cute and has fuzzy orange fur. I told her she’s pretty cute, too and that I like her red hair. Would she get health insurance because I think she’s almost as adorable as her cat? “It’s not the same thing,” she told me.
Well, that’s true. But if a human version of insurance for the cutest will cover at-risk people like my cat-crazy friend, who needs health insurance but who opts out despite having to go through costly emergency procedures every so often, I’m all for it. It’s not like we’re moving forward in leaps and bounds on the health insurance reform front, anyway. We might as well throw another outlandish amendment in there. Those of us who aren’t as cute have to work harder to look good, so we’re probably already healthier from trying to exercise ourselves into svelte-ness. Sure, some people might experience the occasional harsh rejection from insurance companies (“I’m sorry, you have a pre-existing condition called ugly”), but they can tough it out. This policy might be a problem for some of the senators, though. I’m not too worried about Olympia, but who knows how John Kerry will do?
—Katie Des Prez is a junior in the College of Arts and Science. She can be reached at katherine.e.des.prez@vanderbilt.edu.
