Dear Vanderbilt football,
You know, there is something special about the start of the holiday season. Somewhere between the succulent, sliced Thanksgiving turkey, the glorious Claymation movie marathons on ABC Family and the seasonal shortcomings of OASIS, there seems to be a slight shift in our society’s overall outlook. Instead of overwhelming scrutiny, we become more sympathetic this time of year; instead of unrelenting criticism, we become more understanding of circumstances.
Hence, in a year where you’ve been bitten by Bulldogs, chomped by Gators and disarmed by Army, optimism is in short supply for both your short and long-term future as you enter the final game of the season against your archrival, Tennessee.
You can change that.
Listen, I’m not writing you to pardon your underwhelming 2009 season. After your seven wins last year, the nine losses this season are inexcusable. Period.
Quarterback play has been subpar, the offensive line has been atrocious, and the play calling has been more bafflingly wretched than a Soulja Boy poetry reading. However, instead of leaving coal in the stockings of the Commodore faithful, you have a chance to play the part of kind-hearted Santa Claus in proving something to yourselves, your recruits, and the rest of the Southeastern Conference by taking down the Volunteers in Knoxville tomorrow.
Let’s start with what this could do for your standing in the SEC. So far this season, you have scored about as often as Steve Carell in “40 Year Old Virgin,” failing to notch more than 13 points in a single conference game this season.
Even so, if you go to Neyland Stadium against defensive mastermind Monte Kiffin and ace defensive back Eric Berry and finally put it all together — explosive running plays from Warren Norman, accurate passing by Mackenzi Adams and at least semi-comprehensible play calling by the offensive staff — you can take a step towards removing the stigma of “pushover” when your name pops up on next season’s schedule.
What is perhaps most perplexing about this season is that it seems the pieces were in place, but the execution was not. Hence, by executing Saturday, you can prove you’re at least capable of doing so against a decent opponent.
This leads us into the sensitive subject of recruiting. Just a year ago, Vanderbilt looked like an optimal place to combine athletics and academia in a welcoming collegiate environment (note: insert shameless Commons promotion here), and, as such, you had lined up one of the best recruiting classes in school history.
Now, though, consider this: If I’m a competitive, fiery football player, and you’re not a competitive program, I’m going to reconsider playing for you. By beating Tennessee, you can show you’re more than just competently competitive.
You can show you have a direction.
Finally, though, win tomorrow for yourself. Give your seniors — members of Vanderbilt’s most accomplished graduating class of late — a memory to cherish. Give your underclassmen a victory that could resonate into the off-season and beyond. Most of all, though, give your Bobby Johnson-led program a reassuring sign that progress is being made.
Thus, as the season of joy and cheer begins, this weekend is the perfect opportunity to barge into Knoxville and give yourself something to cheer about. Besides, even if you leave UT and their fans void of good cheer, take comfort in this fact:
Lane Kiffin is secretly the Grinch.
Sincerely yours,
Tiny Tim
