Recently, John Doe wrote an article to The Vanderbilt Hustler defending the (recent decision) of (jerk politician). There is an alarming correlation between people who side with (jerk politician) and ignorance of (fact that I found off questionable Web site). The fact is that (untrustworthy percentage) of all Americans agree that (jerk politician)’s latest decision is both foolhardy and shortsighted. By supporting (jerk politician) in this endeavor, the party of (jerk politician) is only serving to cripple America further. The party of (jerk politician) should realize that this decision will lead to (silly prediction made by crackpot).

I am deeply disturbed that John Doe attends this fine institution of learning and my mind boggles at the thought that Doe is still ignorant of all the harm (jerk politician)’s legislation will do. It’s already embarrassing that in the year 2007 we still have people in this country who would support (jerk politician); to have people who support him in our school is downright sickening. Horrors like this keep Vanderbilt from breaking the top ten in U.S. News and World Report’s rankings. Vanderbilt needs to play a more active role and expose the truth to those who follow the hideous doctrines of (jerk politician).

In response to (jerk politician), (good politician) has boldly come to the forefront to fight the partisan politics of (jerk politician). He has used tact and brutal honesty to undermine and outclass (jerk politician) at every turn. (Jerk politician) has already resorted to name-calling and fear to try and regain ground with the American people; however, (good politician) has met this with name-calling of his own. The difference is that (good politician)’s name-calling is a witty observation of the truth, while (jerk politician)’s is just built around the lies of (controversial cable news network).

Speaking of (controversial cable news network), it is contributing to the fragmentation of America today. Part of the reason that people support (jerk politician)’s position is that (controversial cable news network) spreads vicious lies about (good politician) and his party. (Equally controversial cable news network) is far more trustworthy; its employees do their homework and present the issues without bias. Those who support (controversial cable news network) will tell you (equally controversial cable news network) is biased. They are misguided in thinking so, mostly because they have been sheltered for too long from the real situation. (Equally controversial cable news network) is telling things the way they are; it is not bias.

In addition (controversial cable news network) constantly hosts venomous commentators who do nothing but insult the party of (good politician). This is not contributing to the forum of debate, and only serving to further indoctrinate the followers of the party of (jerk politician). (Smarmy commentator) in particular doesn’t even discuss the issues; he just hurls insults backed with shady facts. This is in direct contrast to (smarmy comedian) who systematically shuts down the opposition with wit and vigor while allowing his foes to contribute to their own destruction with their own misbegotten facts.

In today’s world, we’ve had far too many problems due to the likes of (jerk politician) and those foolish enough to follow him. I call upon the Vanderbilt community to better educate themselves on the facts. I suggest you start reading (ideologically slanted newspaper) or spend some time going over (disreputable Web site). The benefits of (good politician)’s party platform are undeniable, and if you go through the trouble of properly educating yourself you will see this. America will be able to move forward only when its people work to accept the truth. As (impressive historical figure) said, “(irrelevant comment that I’m taking out of context).”

—Andrew Collazzi is a 2006 graduate of the College of Arts and Science.