Q: Lately, my boyfriend wants to hook up every minute of the day — when we wake up in the morning, between classes and of course, before we go to bed. I love him and enjoy the physical aspect of our relationship, but sometimes I just need a little space! Any advice?
Straight up, it sounds like you two need to have an honest chat about your sex life. I really believe that every aspect of a relationship — even the physical part — requires ongoing compromise and conversation, so let’s start there.
First of all, it’s completely okay that you’re feeling a little overwhelmed with your situation. It’s normal that you want some space every now and then, and it’s good you don’t feel completely dependent upon this relationship.
Still, it’s obvious you love your boyfriend, and it sounds like you want to be careful about how you approach this situation. Unless he’s being forceful in any way (in which case you should contact Project Safe or visit the Women’s Center immediately), you could begin by scheduling a specific time to talk about this issue with him. It’s best to talk about it when it’s fresh on your mind.
When you sit down to talk, you might want to do it in a place where you can’t just launch into hook-up mode on the spot. I understand if you don’t want to do it while you’re out at dinner to avoid awkward run-ins with your great-aunt or Bible study leader, but what about the Peabody lawn, Fido in Hillsboro Village or just on a walk around Centennial Park? Trust me, if you try to have a “sex talk” in bed, you’re going to end up, well, having sex.
Also, you need to be honest with him about your feelings. Give him some credit and tell him you enjoy the physical aspect of your relationship, and it makes you happy to know he enjoys it too. Then, break the news. Tell him you know he likes quantity, but sometimes you prefer quality. Ask him if there’s room for compromise in the physical component of physical relationship. Maybe if you hook up a lot one night, the next day you can cool off a bit. A lot of people find comfort in a trusting, sexual relationship, but it’s important to spend real time together too.
Margaret Cuninggim Women’s Center: 322-4843
