Being a critic means making a commitment to your readers. It means making sacrifices. It means seeing bad movies so your readers don't have to. After sitting through a screening of "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry," all this critic can say is that you had better be grateful this is her job and not yours.

Adam Sandler (Chuck) and Kevin James (Larry) play two very heterosexual New York firefighters who secretly marry each other to secure life insurance benefits for Larry's kids. In danger of being busted for fraud, they're forced to "come out" to their neighbors, their colleagues and their hot defense lawyer (Jessica Biel). Throw in a couple of subplots, and somehow you have a two-hour plus movie.

Sandler and James are two funny guys, but the batting average for the jokes in "Chuck and Larry" is worse than the Sounds'. There's not much that is more pathetic than the sound of two people laughing in a crowded theater during a supposed comedy, and it doesn't help that the script seems to have been written by a 12-year-old (albeit one with a frighteningly precocious knowledge of gay sex).

With the rapidly changing societal landscape regarding homosexuality, there was genuine opportunity here to do something clever and, um, penetrating. Instead we get a dude prancing in a butterfly costume. If you're gay, you may be offended by the blatant and tone-deaf stereotypes populating this film. If you're straight, you should be offended by the insult to your intelligence. No matter your sexual orientation, you will probably be scarred for life by the 300-pound man in a Speedo thong.

It turns out that gay love is really not so different from heterosexual male friendship. Who knew?

Rating: 1 star out of 4

"I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" is rated PG-13. It opened Friday at the Regal Green Hills and the Regal Hollywood.