A few days ago I read something that caused me to stop and think ...

On second thought, maybe think is a little too strong a word for it. It looked more like drooling. I wouldn't want anyone out there thinking I have the aptitude for cognitive thought; that would be presumptuous.

Anyway, I had just gotten back from my "Sexist Dogma" seminar and was surfing a news blog called Cracked.com whilst sipping gin to stop the trembling. I ran across an article by David Wong entitled "Seven Reasons the 21st Century is Making You Miserable." Stop what you're doing and read it. The article is far too long to quote here, but I'll briefly summarize. Wong lists seven problems facing our current generation, where they stem from and what we can do about them. I normally pride myself on coming up with totally original material, but some of his points were so accurate and dead on I feel like I need to share them with you.

Wong begins his article by citing a Duke and University of Arizona study aimed at quantifying how many close friends the average person possessed. In 1985, an identical study found that people had, on average, about three "close confidants." By 2004, that number dropped to 2.08, nearly a 30 percent dip. Even worse: 25 percent of respondents said they had no one they could trust or confide in. That sucks.

Why the drop? Wong claims that, with the advent of the Web and technology that continually tries to make life more comfortable, we've forgotten what it's like to deal with people we don't like. Instead of going to the movies and dealing with the horde of humanity, we order the movies to our mailbox and watch them on our 42-inch plasmas. Don't want to talk to the guy next to you in class? Just fire up your iPod and you can forget him entirely. The Internet connects us with people of similar interest, essentially filtering out the chance of encountering someone who may think differently.

I can't help but agree with Wong when I see someone walking to class with their head pointed at the pavement, iPod in hand, or when the kid in front of me willfully ignores the smoking hot girl sitting next to him in class. We're becoming a society that chooses to interact with one another only when it's convenient.

Vanderbilt is full of ways to filter the people you want to meet. Are you an Alabama-born conservative? There are fraternities and sororities largely comprised of people similar to you. Are you into camping, hiking and just the outdoors in general? Then strap on your Chacos and head down to the Outdoor Rec. Is the price of your dignity worth posing nude in Playboy? You get the idea.

I'm not saying numerous student organizations and the prevalence of Greek life is a bad thing. Hell, I'm Greek. I'm just saying they, like any organization, generate a number of problems to overcome. By nature they present us with a forum by which we can avoid meeting people we may not get along with.

"But Andrew, what's so bad about meeting people just like me?" The main problem with meeting people exactly like you is this: they're exactly like you. Wong puts it better than I ever could: "The problem is that peacefully dealing with incompatible people is crucial to living in a society. In fact, if you think about it, peacefully dealing with people you can't stand is society."
Society is people interacting and cooperating, doing business and just existing in a limited space together. By denying yourself the opportunity to meet people who may differ from you, you'll never learn anything.

Willfully and easily filtering our encounters also causes us to miss out on one of the most important facets of true friendship: real criticism. I'm not talking about hurling insults at one another while playing "How Many Beers Can I Drink?" (one of my favorites). I'm talking about real criticism. Insults are just people being loud for attention. Criticism has real value. Criticism is someone telling you how they really feel because they want to help you. When delivered and received correctly, it can be the most constructive tool in your arsenal as a growing person.

Of course, there are limits. I don't want to read an article next week that says calling your friends out every time they screw up is a way to lose them. I know that, Lennie; sit back down. That's not what I'm saying. I'm talking about the wholesome honesty between two people that allows them to give constructive criticism when necessary. With statistically fewer close friends than our parents or grandparents, we are starting to forget what it's like to hear what we don't want to. Those awful, awkward conversations are too easily avoided, and we're suffering because of it.

So this week, go up and meet someone you normally wouldn't talk to. You never know, you might end up meeting someone who you'd trust with anything.

...Damn that was serious. I need a beer.

Andrew Solomon
Senior, School of Engineering

Submitted by Michael Yarbrough on Sun, 09/16/2007 - 04:13.

"Hell is other people." -- Sartre

I have a few criticisms to offer, mostly because they offend my nature---the introvert disdainful of the masses, stubborn in my attitude that the good ones are out there /somewhere/ but occur so infrequently that it's a waste of time to try to engage and evaluate on a case-by-case basis each droning uninteresting person I meet.... So the study found that we have fewer friends. But it did not say that people were unhappier, on average, much less that their unhappiness was caused by having fewer friends. It's possible that instead, people are more satisfied with their lives, now that they're busier, more entertained, living the high-powered professional lifestyle they always wanted, with--incidentally--one fewer close friend and possibly a deeper relationship with the other. ...But my main criticism is of the article's valuation of those awkward, painful, sour conversations with people you truly don't like /over/ one's own blissful, spotless solitude; You (and DW) conclude that being immersed in less-than-ideal situations is actually good for you, but I don't see it. Why should I? The bottom line, I think, is that I don't necessarily see it as bad that people appear to be expanding their own egos, their desires, their demands for what they want in close friends; concessions here make individuals less so, a crime in my book; people are individuals first, then social creatures. The gold-and-chocolate-covered miracle that is the internet helps people with those very specific interests and demands find each other with an efficiency that's impossible to match in the meatworld. It only follows, or at least hopefully does, that this more efficient matching of interests and personalities would lead to more friends. That it simply isn't true is a bizarre non sequitur to me. You can, however, look to the rise of internet dating services (the largest online moneymaker after porn...thanks to Andrew Solomon) as evidence that using technology to find partners works. (see http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/10.11/view.html?pg=2) More---another reason I think we don't bother engaging all the people around us is the simple presence of a more efficient means for sorting through people--the internet. Social navigation in the meatrealm is burdened with so many obstacles and rules that it's inefficient, really suitable only for....well, for the socially adept. the internet is innately freer (and faster); the information you can obtain, the sort of material you can survey, the jokes you can tell--all online engagement feels freer and more efficient than the artificially obstacled, ornate and convoluted rules by which social engagement must proceed. As soon as the physical-interpersonal sphere becomes as libertine as the internet, we'll be making some progress, and touchy-feely emotional togetherness types like solomon won't have anything to kvetch about anymore. sad that some investigation into social phenomena turned into a screed for something as prosaic as 'tolerance'. eh. lay-dehz? M

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Increased Reliance on technology hinders societal development

"Hell is other people." -- Sartre

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