Dane Cook seems like a nice guy. He’s funny, he’s charming, he’s sort of cute if that’s your type. Hey, he even gave The Hustler an interview, which is serious points in his favor. It’s just a pity he couldn’t have been promoting a better movie. “Good Luck Chuck” is a contrived, formulaic piece of work that’s both nonsensical and offensive. As for the romance, it’ll leave you colder than the penguin habitat at AquaWorld.

One might imagine that a romantic comedy featuring two likable actors in the lead roles would feature, oh, chemistry. Its utter absence is the biggest surprise “Good Luck Chuck” has to offer. Charlie Logan (Cook) and Cam Wexler (Jessica Alba) meet at the wedding of one of Charlie’s ex-girlfriends. He’s a dentist, she’s a klutzy penguin specialist; clearly, their love was meant to be.

Because things can never be that easy, Charlie is cursed: once a girl sleeps with him, she’ll find true love with her next man. If he wants to be with Cam, they can’t get physical or he’ll lose her forever. Never mind that Cook and Alba, while individually likable enough, don’t emit a single spark together. This is a tragedy!

Word of the “lucky charm” gets out, and Charlie’s dental practice soon boasts the hottest clientele this side of the Sahara. Viewers are then treated to a montage that could easily be adapted for next month’s “Cosmo” article, “25 Positions That Will Make Him Scream.” It turns out that there is such a thing as too much Dane Cook.

In another movie, Cook might have a future as a romantic lead, with his roguish smile and wit that reminds you of that guy you dated freshman year. Here, though, he swings so abruptly from charmer to jerk and then to psycho that he’s difficult to root for, even in a life-sized penguin suit.

If Charlie’s personal attributes weren’t enough, his best friend, a breast-obsessed plastic surgeon played by Dan Fogler, is one of the most repulsive characters to hit screens this fall. His absence would have made the film considerably less bad, and the world could continue to look at grapefruits as an innocent fruit.

Meanwhile, Cam takes a break from tripping over fish buckets to remind the audience that she is in the movie, too. None of her actions, particularly her willingness to forgive Charlie again and again, make any sense, but perhaps she hit her head on the ice one time too many. Jessica Alba hits the single note of “cute and quirky” ably, but she fails to give Cam any life.

“Good Luck Chuck” has to get credit for most creative incorporation of the penguin craze, but that is as far as its powers of invention extend. It waddles to a predictable and lame conclusion, but not before you’ll want to drown yourself in the penguin pool.