Q: “I met a girl last weekend and brought her back to my place. I was drunk and think she was too. I can’t recall exactly what all we did. Is there any way I can “ask without asking?” Should I just forget about it, or do I owe it to her to try to smooth things over after my inadvertent mix-up?

A: Straight up, unless you can read minds, I don’t think you can completely avoid asking some sort of question to someone. However, before you proceed, there is one important question that you need to ask yourself; do you want to know what happened because you care about your relationship with this girl, as well as your own health and well-being, or are you just trying to figure out the details so you can brag to your buddies?

If you just want to clear your conscience and figure out some details, you could ask one of the girl’s close friends if the girl is okay with everything that happened last weekend. If there is something serious that you need to know about and address, the friend will probably either act weird or hint that you should speak directly with the girl. Asking a mutual friend gives you an easy way out, if you’re the type of guy that’s looking for one.

On the other hand, if you really respect this girl, you should probably go right to the source. Be honest with her – not only about your inability to recall the details of the night’s events, but also about your true intentions.

So here’s the formula: if you actually like this girl and want more than just a hook-up, pick up the phone and tell her that you had a lot of fun last night, and you know you hooked up, but the exact details are a little fuzzy. By taking the initiative to talk to her about what happened, she will realize that you are mature enough to handle these types of situations. Overall, the conversation should end on a positive note, and your desire to clear up the situation will leave a good impression.

On the other hand, if you just want to avoid the awkwardness of bumping into each other on campus, send a text. If you didn’t even get her number, a Facebook message is better than nothing, but it’s definitely the last resort.

Since you took the time to write this question, my guess is that your intentions are not completely self-centered. However, if this is an ongoing recurrence, and you really don’t care about any of the girls you bring back to your room, who do you care about?

Selfish motives might seem fun now, but they aren’t going to get you too far in the long run. Whether male, female, drunk or sober, every person deserves to be treated with respect, and “I was drunk” is an excuse that definitely won’t fly after this four-year frenzy.