Q: I’ve started hanging out with this guy I really like, but he has a pretty long list of girls he’s hooked up with. We have a lot of fun together, and I think it’s about to get more serious. Should I be worried or should I go for it?
A: Straight up, yes, you should be concerned. However, before you go and change his name to “man whore” in your Blackberry contacts, let me explain my rationale.
If “it’s about to get more serious” means the relationship is about to go to the next level (translation: dating and spending quality time together, not just hooking up and hanging out), you should definitely go for it, but proceed with caution.
Keep in mind if he has a long list of girls, at least some of them knew he was a player and gave him a chance anyways. Conclusion: He must be pretty good at sweet talking in order to win over that many ladies.
However, a new relationship is a new beginning where both individuals have the opportunity to start over. People do have the capacity to change themselves if they wish to do so. The question is whether or not he is willing to change his ways for you.
In order to find out, you should be straightforward and let him know you are well aware of his past. Tell him you’re willing to move on, but only if he is too. If he says he’s different now and wants to get a little more serious with you, give him the benefit of the doubt and let things progress naturally.
Still, since he does have a past, it’s going to be difficult to completely forget it. Good news: You don’t have to. Trust him until he gives you a reason not to, and do your best to ease into things and not fall too quickly. You don’t need to play hard to get, but be sure to look out for yourself and your own needs.
Oh, and by the way, if “it’s about to get more serious” meant you think you’re ready to do more physically, you still need to be careful about how quickly you move forward. If you’re thinking about having sex, you might want to find out exactly how long his list really is. Then, if you’re still comfortable with taking the next step, you should probably talk about methods of protection, and perhaps even the possibility of getting tested for STDs.
If that’s too personal, think carefully about whether or not you’re really ready. Sex and relationship talks require maturity, but if you’re going to be doing it, it’s important to be able to talk about it. Deal with the tough stuff as you go, and you (and your relationship) will be stronger in the long run.
