Q: I’ve been hooking up with this girl at Vanderbilt, and I’m pretty into her. The only problem is I’m going home for fall break, where I have unfinished business with a certain ex-girlfriend. Would it be wrong to hook up with the girl from home?
A: Straight up, if you were really into the Vandy girl, the unfinished business with the ex wouldn’t be that important. Think carefully about how much you value this new girl over the old one, and ask yourself whether it’s worth risking your relationship with one for the other.
As a basic rule, your decision should depend on the situation with the girl at school. If you two are exclusively hooking up and hanging out, you have a commitment to her, and it would be wrong to hook up with someone else — having a history with someone from the past doesn’t get you off the hook with someone new.
On the other hand, if you’re not quite committed, but you really like the girl and are thinking about making things more official, you have a few options; however, you need to think carefully because your decision could make or break your chances with the girl from school.
If you are legitimately interested in the girl from school and want to win her over, hooking up with your ex-girlfriend is definitely going to hurt your chances. If you tell her what happened, she’ll either be hurt or mad (or both), and there will already be trust issues to work through once things get more serious. If you don’t tell and go ahead with the relationship, you set the standard that secrets are acceptable and give up your right to get mad when you find out she hid a part of her past from you, too.
Keep in mind there is nothing wrong with spending time with the ex-girlfriend over break. By doing so, you can resolve that unfinished business and figure out why you’ve been holding back in the first place. Maybe you broke up because of the distance, and you want to talk about whether it could work over the phone. Or, maybe you had a hot fling this summer and want to see if the flame is still there. Regardless of your situation, you don’t need to hook up to figure things out. And if you do hook up, you’re making a choice you might regret once you get back to school.
Basically, if you’re trying to start a new relationship and get this girl to trust you, hooking up with your ex is going to put you in a risky place. However, if you are unsure about your feelings with the new girl, it could actually be beneficial to hang out with your ex. If it isn’t what you expected, and you can’t help thinking about the girl at school, you’ll know you’ve moved on and you’re ready to start something new.
Bottom line: Think carefully about your decision, and don’t hook up with your ex just to get some over fall break. Honestly, it is only four days, and it’s not worth it if you value what you’ve started with the Vandy girl.
