Another Year, Another March…
By Kacy Silverstein & Vicky Basra
(of Project Safe at the Margaret Cuninggim Women's Center)

As we sit down to write this year’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month article, we are more aware than ever of the many years we, and feminist just like us, have written article after article detailing the impact of violence against women. Each October on this campus and around the world, men and women stand at vigils, speak in protest, march in solidarity, and yet; we must write another article, we must tell this story again and again. We must write over and over about the desperation of women, the loneliness, the fear, the deafening silence of living in a world where violence finds its way into the most intimate parts of our lives. We must write that every 18 seconds a woman is beaten by her partner. We must write that every 2 minutes in this country a woman is raped. We must write that this reality, as impossible as it may be to imagine, is real. And we write these words again and again, year after year, because the reality stays the same.

This reality is supported by the belief that it is women’s responsibility to stop violence against women. We tell women to be careful, to avoid dangerous situations, to be smart. And after women are raped or beaten or stalked, we asked them why? Why did you wear those clothes? Why were you so stupid? Why didn’t you scream? Why didn’t you scream louder? Why didn’t you protect yourself? We focus so much of our attention on women’s behaviors that the perpetrators of these violent acts almost vanish from our minds. It might be the most brilliant magic trick ever invented. The questions we do not ask include: Why did he rape her? Why did he think it was okay to beat her? Why is he stalking her? Why did he make that choice? We ignore the reality that some men choose, and it is a choice, to rape, beat, and stalk women. We erase the perpetrators from our minds; give them sanctuary in the darkness because we are too afraid or too overwhelmed by the violence to hold their names and faces in the light of day. And then, there are men who say that they would never rape a woman or beat a woman and they stay silent because this is not their issue.

This is the rhetoric of a society that wants to deny the abuse happens and if we cannot deny it; we blame the victim. It is this cycle that keeps perpetrators free from scrutiny, keeps women afraid of men, keeps the home and the night as a dangerous place for women.

And then we remember our allies….
We remember the men who march for the women in their lives, we remember the men who speak out against this violence in spite of the danger to themselves, and we look toward these men with hope for our future. We are talking about men who declare that their “strength is not for hurting.” We are talking about men who know that their strength could be used to hurt a woman and make the choice not to. These men do exist on our campus, in our communities, across the nation. They are students, teachers, husbands, brothers, sons, partners, and friends. They are members of groups like Men Promoting a Solution (MPAS) on the Vanderbilt campus and members of “Men Can Stop Rape” in Washington D.C. These are communities of men working for peace, equity and gender justice. These are men who find strength in compassion and nonviolence and who strive to support other men who are courageous enough to challenge violence against women. As you walk across campus this Fall, we hope you notice some new posters that focus on these men. This poster campaign, sponsored by Project Safe and the Vanderbilt Student Government Association, promotes men’s strength without violence. If you see one of these posters on campus, tell a friend, share the message, or talk to a man in your life (or do all three and do them over and over again).

So, we write the story again. We approach another Take Back the Night March and another vigil to honor the victims. We prepare to march again in the darkness. We march for the women who have died at the hands of abusive men and we march for the men who refuse to use their hands to hurt a woman. We march for the survivors who find it hard to trust a man and we march for the men who listen and support these women. We march for the stories that are never told; the stories shrouded in silence and lost in the secrets of violence. We ask you to march with us for all these reasons and because violence against women impacts us all. We ask you to march with us, so that one day we will never have to march again.