Q: I'm dating a girl and want to know how to be romantic. What do girls enjoy most? What are the simple things that I can do to show affection without going overboard?
A: Straight up, even if we’re reluctant to admit it, when it comes to love, most of us (guys and girls) just want someone who cares about us as much as (or more than) we care about ourselves.
We want someone to understand us — someone who gets where we’re coming from without having to explain every thought. We want someone to ask questions about our lives — not just the exciting parts, but the boring parts too — and we want that person to really care about our answers. We want someone to hang out with us on the days we don’t feel popular or pretty or cool, and we want someone who will put in the extra effort to make us happy on our tougher days.
If romance is the epitome of love, then it’s really not that complicated — romance just involves adding a little mystery and excitement to everyday affairs. Often, it’s how you do things, not what you do, that matters. Basically, any thoughtful gift or action has the potential to be romantic.
There are opportunities for romance all day long, even if you aren’t in the same place. The best way to show affection is to do what you normally do with a little more love and mystery in mind. When you think of her during class, send her a text saying, “I’m in class, and I keep thinking about you.” When you go to send her a text to say, “Hi” while you’re in the library, send a sweet e-mail instead. Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or you live in the same dorm, dropping a “Miss you” card in the mail is an easy way to show some extra lovin’.
The point is, romance is not complicated or difficult … or even expensive. You don’t have to buy a $50 bouquet of roses to show her you care. Flowers are nice, but girls like them because they smell nice, they’re pretty, and we know you had to go out of your way to get them.
If you’re looking for a specific idea, think about what’s important to her and then throw in a twist. If she loves music, get tickets to her favorite band, and take her to a cool restaurant beforehand. If she loves art, take her to the new modern art exhibit at the local museum. If she loves animals, take her to the zoo.
Regardless of your genius plan, make sure it’s believable. It has to stand out among the other nice things you’ve done, but if it’s too out of character, she’ll think you got it out of some magazine or trashy romance novel and won’t believe you’re legit.
Remember, the element of surprise is important because it shows you’ve thought out things and put in a little extra effort. For example, if you want to take a girl to dinner, sometimes just the act of taking initiative and making a reservation on your own shows that you care. And be careful how you present the whole thing. “I’m taking you somewhere special for dinner tonight. I checked out the menu, and they’ve got some good stuff. I really think you’ll like it,” is a bit more mysterious and a lot more romantic than “I’m hungry. Let’s get some food.”
And yes, it’s the thought that counts, but that excuse only works if you think carefully about your plans. Whatever you decide to do, make sure it suits her tastes and interests. Bottom line: A romantic evening doesn’t look the same for every girl. You can’t just copy some sappy movie and expect it to work every time. It has to be special and unexpected, with no other goal than to make her see how much you care.
