Q: What are the rules for de-tagging pictures of you and your ex on Facebook? I just started dating this girl, and she still has all these pictures up of her and her ex-boyfriend. I know it sounds corny, but for some reason, it bothers me. Should I say something to her?
A: Straight up, unless you're being overprotective, unrealistic or unfair, if something bothers you, you should always speak up. If your gut tells you that something isn’t right, you have to trust that feeling.
First, remember Facebook albums are like photo albums documenting the different stages of our lives. Though Facebook began as a place to store four years of information, it has expanded to include pre- and post-college memories as well.
Since we wouldn’t expect a new boyfriend or girlfriend to throw out all of their past romantic memoirs, we can’t expect them to de-tag every picture of someone who was — at one time — an important part of his or her life.
On the other hand, though, not all Facebook pictures pass the test. Out of respect for your new boyfriend or girlfriend, any make-out pictures must go (and that shouldn’t come as a surprise because they’re kind of gross anyways). Facebook albums are comparable to photo albums, but unless you’ve put all the blocks on your profile, those albums are still available to a lot of people — including friends, teachers and the creepers who just like to look at you.
Also, when it comes to de-tagging, cutesy captions have to go as well. There is no reason to keep any of those “omg you guys are so cute” headlines up while you’re dating someone new, and no “I love you” Facebook albums dedicated to you and your ex. If you’re over the relationship, you need to get over the photos too.
If your current girlfriend does have a lot pictures up from the past, consider the possibilities before you flip out. There’s a chance they’re still up because she’s not over him, but it’s also quite possible she’s so into you she hasn’t even flipped through those old photos.
Be honest with yourself and figure out which situation is more likely. And if the pictures or any other of your relationship bugs you, don’t hesitate to speak up. Just don’t make it a bigger deal than it really is. If you trust your significant other, a handful of pictures that make it clear you weren’t always her No. 1 shouldn’t be a big deal.
Keep in mind getting over past relationships takes time, so you can’t expect your significant other to move on right away. And, if he or she has de-tagged all the past photos, hates “the ex,” and refuses to acknowledge that part of the past, that situation might actually present a bigger problem. Consider how your current girlfriend or boyfriend treats their exes. Not to be negative, but one day, that ex could be you.
—Got questions? E-mail Katie at straightup4vu@gmail.com.
