Q: I need a date for my upcoming sorority formal, and while I'm honestly not looking for a relationship, I still find myself nervous when I think about asking this “hottie” I recently met. I wish I could just get the courage to ask because I have nothing to lose. Maybe it's because we don't know each other very well that I don't know how to ask without hearing, "And who are you?" Please help!
A: Straight up, a sorority party is the perfect excuse to get to know someone new, and it’s great you’re taking advantage of that opportunity.
Now, if you could just stop doubting yourself and start recognizing your own worth, you’ll be ready to go. Regain your confidence and realize any guy lucky enough to have you pondering over him at all should be counting his blessings twice every night.
You’re right, you have nothing to lose, so if you have a guy in mind, get your act together and go ask. Sometimes we have to do things that make us a little nervous, but if they’re worth it (in this case, if he is worth it), it’s worth taking some extra time and consideration to figure out the best way to pop the question of “Are you free Saturday?”.
But before you go running out the door, stop and think about whether or not you really want to ask this particular guy. Life isn’t just about looks, and if you’re seriously considering asking this “hottie,” you need to make sure he’s worth your time. And by time, I mean the five seconds it will take to say, “Hey hot stuff, I’ve got a formal next weekend. Wanna join?” The babe factor falls in his favor, but if he sucks, he’s not worth another second.
If you decide Mr. McHottie is an all-around good catch, when you do ask, it’s OK to be a little nervous. There is always a small fear of the unknown, and it’s a bit uncomfortable to put yourself out there when you’re not sure what kind of response you’re going to get in return.
But here’s the key: If you want to free yourself of the pre-formal jitters, don’t ask until you’re sure of his answer. Translation: Stop freaking out about how to handle his rejection and just believe he is going to say yes.
If attitude is everything, then thinking he’s going to say yes is the first step to actually getting the date. Basically, act like you aren’t taking no for an answer.
Sure, there are more rules at sorority parties than fraternity parties, but that’s Greek life. You have to talk it up. If you act like you’re dreading the party, he’s not going to want to go either. When you call, be prepared to share details — date, time, who’s going to be there. Since you’re not looking for a relationship, it’s important to let him know you just want to have fun and that this isn’t a “date” date. Plan a pre-game or dinner with your friends and their dates, and fill him in on the night’s events. If he knows it’s going to be a group night of fun rather than just an awkward one-on-one, he’ll totally be game.
Tell him the party is going to be a good time and that you don’t want him to miss it. And if he happens to suffer from F.O.M.O. (fear of missing out), consider it done. Guys might not love sorority parties, but they don’t want to be left out either — especially if their friends are going to be there.
If you still can’t get up the nerve to ask him, first ask yourself this question: regardless of how cool, hot, smart, popular or whatever he is, do you really want to take someone who doesn’t want to be there?
If he’s really your dream boy, shoot for the stars. Like you said, you don’t have anything to lose. But if you have to work too hard to convince him to spend a night with your super-cool-self, he might just be a big loser, and you shouldn’t waste your time.
