No offense, boys, but things need to change. Literally. There are hordes of you intelligent, good-looking and talented guys out there polluting Vanderbilt with toxic fashion faux pas. This does not need to be the case. Whether or not you care that Tom Ford, Christopher Bailey, Ralph Lauren and Marc Jacobs are at the helm of the fashion industry, it’s time to start reveling in their legacy and shape up your own wardrobes. This article highlights some of the Vandy Man’s biggest style-don’ts from the top down.
1. Flat-Brim Hats: Very (emphasis on very) few people can rock one of these bad boys without looking like a wannabe rap star. That being said, any distant relative of Kanye, Diddy or Eminem on campus is more than welcome to wear one with pride; however, if this isn’t the case (which I will go ahead and assume, for argument’s sake), let’s refrain. Please. Especially indoors — that’s just in bad taste. Besides, flat brims enlarge your head, and if your hair is less than stellar, why not don a regular Vanderbilt baseball cap instead? There’s nothing wrong with a curved brim to block the sun and tame the locks.
2. Lacrosse Pennies: Let’s leave these on the field or at an appropriately themed frat party. No one wants to see belly buttons and hairy armpits at Bread and Co. While these collegiate staples are okay to wear on lazy Saturdays, there’s no need to bust them out for class or meals. While I’m on the subject, please discard all white tees with yellowed armpits; chances are, we already know you hit up the Rec … there’s no need to advertise extreme sweating.
3. Jorts: Jean shorts? Really? To quote urbandictionary.com, “Jorts are perhaps the easiest way to recognize people you will not like. If you wear jorts, you probably don’t talk to girls.” Jean cut-offs and cargo pants are no-goes, boys. Save us all the embarrassment and just stick to khakis — J.Crew offers plenty of plain shorts in a variety of shades.
4. Crocs: I’m not sure why these puppies are worn as anything other than shower shoes, but nevertheless it happens around campus constantly. Crocs are also worn poolside by children under the age of seven and a half. Do you collegiate men really want to resemble such whippersnappers? I think not. Rainbows and Reefs are more than acceptable alternatives for spring footwear.
5. Axe: Caution: Overuse of this product will sting the nostrils and foil any and all Saturday night plans. Axe will not induce any elevator action or secure a date in the Baseball Glove Lounge. Whether it be the body wash or body spray, steer clear. Though the Axe Web site claims a mythological “Axe Effect” (a.k.a. flocks of hot girls surrounding you) will magically occur when wearing the product, this is, in fact, not the case. Why wear Axe when Old Spice actually smells good? As for cologne, Aqua di Parmi, Aqua di Gio and Ralph Lauren Blue are personal favorites.
These tips won’t change your life, but hopefully they will help you sharpen your game, score some points on the playing field and give you that extra confidence boost that always contributes to looking your finest. Of course, fashion trends are ever changing, but it’s safe to say that these to-don’ts won’t be coming back around anytime soon.
