This is absolutely one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. I have walked out of two movies in my life: The first was because my girlfriend had been in a car accident, but this time, I felt like my brain was melting. I felt my cognitive capacity slipping away into a far off universe of bad acting, laughable plot and stupid dialogue called “10,000 BC.”

So here’s the terrible lie that’s supposed to entertain you: a small tribe finds a young girl in the wilderness (how she survived in the below-freezing temperatures at the top of a mountain is beyond me) and everyone is bamboozled that she has blue eyes. Ergo, we are now told that we are watching “The Tale of the Girl With Blue Eyes” or something equally ridiculous and that it is prophesied that she will marry the leader who will save the tribe. Things really hit the fan when “four legged demons” (dudes on horses) arrive and begin to tear apart the tribe’s village. Amid the chaos, the Girl With Blue Eyes (Camilla Belle) is taken by the invaders but our hero, D’Leh (Steven Strait), goes after her. If you aren’t already predicting what happens next, then you must be asleep. This is not an inspired or original movie, it’s just a sad testament to the Hollywood-machine that will throw money away on stupid crap they think will sell tickets.

Now I had faith in director Roland Emmerich (of “Stargate,” “Independence Day” and “The Patriot”), but I feel like he is the only one to blame for this atrocity. He was writer, producer and director (pretty much everything but the acting); there really is only one place the fault lies. Indeed, not only did I walk out of the movie after about 30 minutes, but also I asked for my money back. That’s how bad this was, friends. The movie wasn’t even fun in a “so bad it’s good” kind of way, but more of a “wow, this movie really takes itself seriously AND it’s really, really bad.” No laughing, no ridiculous special effects (that were entertaining at least) — just a pathetic waste of a half hour over my spring break.