By Amy Johnston, Staff Writer

DON'T:

-Wake up in someone else's bed ... or a holding tank.
-Forget that you are leaving Vandyland and entering the real world where they have stuff like police and felonies and stuff.
-Talk to anyone in a Speedo (note to men: Speedos = celibacy).
-Forget your swimsuit ... in the ocean.
-Bring homework.
-Fall asleep in the sun around your artistic friends who get creative and lewd with sunscreen.
-Forget your "frat crown" (visor).
-Wear your sorority or fraternity letters while imbibing.
-Think what happens in Florida stays in Florida.
-Assume that you definitely won't hook up with your date - your bffl platonic fratboy guy friend may look pretty spicy after a couple mojitos.
-Drink.
-Hook up on the beach at night. Sand ... enough said.
-Adopt the 2008 frat style "no pants" pants trend.
-Drink.
-Bring books to read on the beach: only trash magazines, Maxim, Bibles and Playboys (if you're feeling risky) are appropriate. (Note: Reading Playboy "for the articles" isn't fooling anyone, my friend.)
-Hook up with any locals or anyone who claims to be an "alumni member" of the frat.
-Drown.
-Drink.
-Take in any of the local culture - the only things you should come home with are a tan and a hangover.
-Come home with anything that itches or burns as a souvenir.
-Drink.
-Forget your frat gear, i.e. seersucker shorts, Polo shirts in a fluorescent rainbow and Rainbow sandals.
-Neglect having a "deep" conversation on the beach during an odyssey of day drinking. Hey, perhaps you can woo the bikini babe with anecdotes from the "articles" of Playboy.
-Take up any new sport (surfing, jet skiing, etc.). You will become convinced you are amazing at it ... and die.
-Think suddenly it is a good idea to get a tat or a piercing; no one likes to start summer vacay with hepatitis.
-Drink.
-Drown.
-Vomit in your suitcase on the first night and have to wear a confederate flag as a cape with borrowed shorts for the rest of the trip.
-Neglect male waxing before the voyage; refer to celibacy resulting from Speedo usage for implication.
-Drink.
-Bet anything that involves stripping or making out with a member of the same sex (unless you really want to have a "this one time in college" experience or are previously inclined).
-Give yourself a clever new nickname and refuse to respond to anything other than DJ Drunkface or the Colonel of Corona for the rest of the weekend.
-Hook up with someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend. Sorority rush may be over, but a slap in the face hurts just as much in Panama as it does here, and these actions could conflict with the aforementioned "Don't drown" rule.
-Call your parents, ex-boyfriend, relatives of any variety or the police (Officer Panama City will not think that your prank call about a thief "stealing" your boyfriend is very funny - guaranteed).
-Think the beach and cowboy boots are mutually exclusive.
-Think your cooler will last all weekend - you and your date have worked hard for those truck driver tolerances all year and should think of formal as a final examination in your second major (binge drinking).
-Drink.
-Think that you can't exercise your frat-hopping muscles during the weekend. (Chances are that brethren of another fraternal organization will be partaking in some bropounding at the same hotel.)
-Leave the hotel room not in shambles. It is incumbent upon you to break a lamp, towel rack or bed at some point during this sojourn.
-Lament choosing one formal over another. Some of you have three more years to experience this debauchery. Besides, Sophie had to choose between her children; you can choose between frats.
-Drink ever. It's not fun or socially acceptable.
-Mix alcohols. This is a worse idea than pairing a scrunchie with MC Hammer parachute pants.
-Drink.
-Get belligerently drunk and become convinced that you have a Southern accent.
-Forget the frat adage "Sun's out, guns out" at any point during the trip and put on a shirt. You have swelled hard in the gym and should relish showing all those biddies how jacked and tan you are.
-Wear your sunglasses at night.
-Drink.

Mazel Tov! Happy fratting!