Pirates, up

Pirates seized the Ukrainian-operated ship Faina off the coast of Somalia on Thursday as it headed to Kenya carrying 33 Russian-built T-72 tanks and a substantial amount of ammunition and spare parts. Yeah, that's right: pirates with tanks.

Scarlett Johansson, up/down

Scarlett Johansson recently married Ryan Reynolds, despite the fact she has spoken out in opposition of monogamy. I guess congratulations are in order even though she has managed to shatter men's dreams everywhere.

Pandora, down

The relatively well-known Internet radio station Pandora may have to close its doors soon. Unlike normal stations, Pandora regularly has to pay royalties for the songs it plays. Recently, the royalties have increased, annihilating the station's already small profit margins.

Nebraska, up/down

On the plus side, after years of lawmakers' attempts, Nebraska passed a law making it the last state to allow parents to legally abandon their children in hospital or police department without prosecution. Unfortunately, it's still Nebraska.

Thailand, down

A publicity stunt by an underdog in the race to be governor of Bangkok went very wrong when her campaign manager drowned as they bathed in a canal to highlight the plight of residents who have no access to clean water. Maybe Sarah Palin will try it next.

Brazil, up

Transport authorities in Brazil have caught up with a speed-loving Brazilian driver who clocked up nearly $2 million in fines. The car, worth around $6,500, will be auctioned if the driver does not pay the $1.8 million in fines in 90 days.

Dan Brown, down

Not only can he not write, but now an Italian man has stabbed a priest, while claiming he was both the Antichrist and inspired by "The Da Vinci Code."

Pigs, up

According to Reuters, a pony-sized pig that held an Australian woman hostage for 10 days inside her home will be removed to a piggery on Wednesday, where his bacon will be saved by a stint on stud duties.

Commodores, up

I know it's not a win, but its almost as good. Either way, we still didn't lose.

Next week: Auburn.

Murder, up

A Colorado teenager hired men to kill his mother so he could use her money to get breast implants for his girlfriend. Nikita Lee Weis, 18, was arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to commit first-degree murder.

Cell phones, down

Studies have indicated that long-term cell phone use may be associated with brain cancer. The results indicated that people who use cell phones have double the chance of developing malignant brain tumors and acoustic neuromas, which are tumors on the hearing nerve. The study also said people under age 20 were more than five times as likely to develop brain cancer.

Math, up

Mathematicians at UCLA have discovered a 13 million-digit prime number, a long-sought milestone that makes them eligible for a $100,000 prize. The group found the 46th known Mersenne prime last month on a network of 75 computers running Windows XP. The number was verified by a different computer system running a different algorithm.