Here it is. The much-anticipated column of the season: Justin Poythress' holiday gift suggestions, so I hope you're sitting down. If you're like most Americans, you haven't started your Christmas shopping. But never fear. Though this will be my last column of the semester, I'm here now to deliver seven clutch gift ideas that will convince the recipient that you still like him or her.

1. If you happen to turn on your television during the next month, you will quickly learn the only legitimate gifts are either a new Lexus or an engagement ring. Who am I to disagree with commercial saturation? If you are a follower of this gift-giving path, make sure this year to make a public display out of it so everyone can see how selfless and wastefully rich you are.

2. Here's a gift you can pick up pretty much anywhere and is sure to be an instant classic. I'm speaking, of course, about dancing stuffed animals. If you just gave a normal stuffed animal, no matter how cute, there's no way this flies. Ideally, you want to get one that also happens to sing either Christmas songs or some comical tune and is motion-sensing so it will go off several times a day. Trust me, this never gets old. And the way to ensure it doesn't is to demand that your family member or friend showcase this gift every Christmas season as an annual sort of pat on the back for your clever and permanent contribution.

3. When selecting gifts for distant relatives, your best bet is clothes. This way you can make vague and often insulting conjectures about their size and fashion sensibilities.

4. Candy is the oft-overlooked gift typically relegated as a stocking stuffer or table favor. However, if you take the time to wrap up a giant bag of candy — or better yet, a hand-picked, customized selection of their favorite treat — slap a big bow on it and you'll be good to go. Added perk — it would just be rude and gluttonous for them to eat all that candy by themselves.

5. We can't leave out the calendar. Not only is knowing the month and date both fun and practical, you can add a twist of personal touch to the gift. By giving them a calendar with monthly pictures of something they like, you take a terribly mundane gift and turn it into something casually appreciated.

6. If you really want to shine in showing off your superior familiarity with personal details of the recipient, get a hobby-supporting gift. If they don't have a hobby, try forcing them to start one. For instance, get them a bunch of empty soda cans, or a whole collection of rulers. Do this for a couple years; they'll get the hint.

7. Last but not least, it would be amiss for me to not mention something every student has or will someday give as a gift — college memorabilia. From shirts to towels to shot glasses, let your parents advertise how much they're paying for school, while still spending their money. It's like giving a little piece of you in each one of those gifts.

Justin Poythress is a senior in Peabody College. He can be reached at j.poythress@vanderbilt.edu.