So the new semester is underway. Chances are you've ditched the New Year's resolutions as well as one or two classes per day. But now that freshmen know exactly how popular they can expect to be and we have a president who you're not allowed to make fun of, life may begin to become stale. You may even consider heading to a party at Belmont or, in truly desperate times, attending a women's basketball game.
Well, there is no need to resort to such measures. It's scientifically proven that two-thirds of the time boredom is derived from scant or cliched room decorations. The solution might even be as simple as changing your sheets more than once a semester. There are other ways you can break out of the rut. If you're not a guy who's not a fan of originality, you can paste your room in posters of “Animal House” and “Wedding Crashers.” If you're a girl, you should blanket these walls with huge Greek letters and pictures of your sorority sisters, or failing to get into one of the popular sororities, pictures of your friends from home.
Some of you may be too lazy to even put in that amount of effort, yet still want to decorate in a stereotypical and inoffensive manner. You can still use the tired and pathetic freshman take on appearing cool by saving all of your empty bottles of alcohol and arranging these along your bookshelves or bureau. You may want to take a more nonconformist approach, however, by selecting posters from the movies that contain the politically correct, minority Disney princesses people only pretend to like, such as “Pocahontas” and “Mulan.” Or you could try putting up pictures of strangers you find on Facebook.
A popular approach is to search for some type of living attraction, namely plants or animals. Plants can be good, but it's hard to find the proper balance of light and watering, which usually results in dead and withering plants, which are counterproductive. The animal selection is also somewhat limited. Most animals tend to require a lot of food and go to the bathroom a lot, neither of which is conducive to college dorm life. This means that a fish tank or bowl can be a nice touch, as long as you're okay with the fish dying within the first three hours.
Let's talk classy. Seeing as we're at Vanderbilt, chances are many of you want to go the aristocratic route and add a refined touch to your room. The first order of business is to purchase a painting. Nothing will communicate that subtle but distinct message of superiority like an original Rembrandt. The sole danger is that people might not recognize it, in which case you need to attach a post-it, recording the name and current price. The next step is to obtain a grandfather clock. These beauties come in many varieties and you can personalize them by attaching Commodore or Greek stickers. Make sure to leave some wall space to hang ancient, jewel-encrusted weapons. Finish up your classy ensemble by mounting the stuffed head of a real animal. The more endangered, the better.
Justin Poythress is a senior in Peabody College. He can be reached at j.poythress@vanderbilt.edu.
