As far as centers of social congregation go, Rand is the queen bee, Central Station, subject of focus in the second part of my series. Most people eat lunch at some point during the day, and unless you're trying to appear tasteful and refined, Rand is the place to go. It's quick, it's cheap, convenient, and every day is packed with hundreds of trite, meaningless social acknowledgements. Along with the range of destinations that are part of Rand is a range of expected manners of social conformity.

Let's begin with the mailroom. The mailroom is an in and out business, and besides the guy who consistently jokes that you owe him $40 for five stamps, there's not much interesting going on. The acceptable topics of conversation in this arena focus around what someone just received in a package or how many Blair concert flyers you had to throw out. Also, one should be aware that the mailroom is not exciting or enjoyable, so loud discussion, shouting out to friends or excessive smiling are frowned upon.

Let's move up these stairs to the bookstore. First of all, the only people burning their money on memorabilia are alumni, visiting tour groups and frantic freshmen during the holidays. This means that you do not simply wander into the store to peruse the two brands of overpriced shampoo available. The bookstore, though a somewhat less unpleasant environment, is even quieter than the mailroom. In this situation, it's permissible to inquire what an acquaintance has come there to purchase or make some form of bitingly clever remark about how textbooks are more expensive than they should be. Once you have what you need, there's no reason to dawdle.

Finally, let's examine the most intricate of the Rand sub-sections, the actual dining area. Two quick hints here to make yourself stand out and appear awesome. If you're a guy, seat yourself at a table with at least 15 to 20 other people, it doesn't matter if you know them. While sitting down, speak loudly and laugh even louder while also making sure that you regularly shout acknowledgements and greetings to passer-bys.

For girls, the demonstration does not have to be quite so elaborate, but you need a willing partner; otherwise, it may backfire. Once you spot a friend you haven't seen since this morning, scream out, ignore anyone you may have been talking to at the moment, run over, hug her and loudly exclaim for several minutes about how good it is to see her. Phrases you may wish to weave into your conversation include: "hot," "pretty," "ho," "I love you," and "let's totally hang out sometime."

It should also be noted that during the lunch rush, real estate is at a premium. Therefore, if you don't want to sit less than three seats away from a stranger, spread your stuff out as much as possible. If, heaven forbid, you happen to get stuck eating alone, don't panic. Calmly take your food upstairs to eat. Assist your case by appearing to be just too busy. You can grab a Hustler, snap on your ipod or cover your table with anything that looks like schoolwork. Though there's no shot of you actually doing anything useful, you'll be able to avoid being pegged in the Tolman creeper category.

- Justin Poythress is a senior in Peabody College. He can be reached at j.poythress@vanderblt.edu.