Possibly the most intriguing interactions occur on the elevator. It continually forces a close physical intimacy for an awkwardly brief span of time with people who share nothing in common besides not wanting to use the stairs. Let’s say you are riding the elevator down with a casual acquaintance. You may wish to share a courtesy greeting, but once the elevator stops, one of you must decide to walk much faster than the other so you don’t have to continue to share the strange proximity required by an elevator. This is just one example of the social unpleasantness some people experience via elevator, so I want to give some tips that will help make your ride more interesting, and maybe break the ice a little bit.

1. Physical positioning: Next time you step inside that metal box, try standing directly in front of the buttons, but refuse to swipe anybody else up. Or try walking into the elevator, but never turning around, facing the back wall, until you get to your floor. Bring a stool or lawn chair in with you to the elevator so you can be comfortable while riding. If you wish to expand on this, try dressing in a suit and manning the controls for tips. Or, one of my favorites, try standing just a little too close to a stranger, behind and to one side. You don’t want to be closer than 6 inches, otherwise he or she will know it’s a joke, but you should be close enough so that person begins seriously entertaining the idea that you might try to mug them.

2. Use of the elevator: There are some great methods here. Accidentally push one or two wrong floors that you somehow confused for your own. When getting onto an occupied elevator on the way down, hold the door open for a minute or two “waiting for a friend” until it starts beeping, then give up and just get in the elevator yourself. The best for last: Ride the elevator up or down only one floor. When you get in, just smile knowingly to the other passengers.

3. Physical action: When using these behaviors, I should add that it is paramount you do not say anything while doing it. For example: Try brushing your teeth, shaving or applying make up, ideally in pajamas. If someone enters with some food, grab a sample or take a small bite. Lastly, bring an extra shirt and pants, and as soon as someone else gets in, begin changing clothes ... slowly.

4.  Conversation: There are two approaches for this style. The first applies if you are riding solo and meet with a stranger. Don’t panic, just rely on one of these trusty ice-breakers to get the ball rolling: “So. I see you’re riding the elevator,” “Oh, you live here? Where’s your room and when do you usually go to sleep?” or “Boy, elevator rides are really awkward.” If, on the other hand, you’re with a willing accomplice, pretend you are continuing a conversation mid-stream: “… and so that’s why I had to roofie her” or “… but keep in mind, I’d only told him he had to stick four fireworks down his pants” and “… I told you not to use that much anthrax.”


—Justin Poythress is a senior in Peabody College. He can be reached at j.poythress@vanderbilt.edu.