Resisting an unrelenting desire to photoshop fangs on a John Deere, I offer this: One of my friends GChatted me “is this really happening?” when awful Lois drove over that guy’s foot. The only other time somebody said this to me, it involved a dozen English and Irish soccer players walking out of a Philadelphia bar to go drinking with her specifically.

How do you learn how to be the right kind of girl?

DUDE. "My Old Kentucky Home" was such a weird, funny, oddly musical, anxiety inducing episode. Gene Hofstadt is like putting a grenade on the kitchen table and then starting up a game of Jenga right next to it. He's going to explode, you know it -- "you just wait, all hell's going to break loose."

Huzzah, everybody's in a faaaaantastic mood in Mad Men land and with Gene Hofstadt in Ossining, everyone's mood will wildly improve at unprecedented levels, one assumes -- though Jesus Christ, if I have to watch that fake film reel of Bye Bye Birdie again, I will kill myself.