The Law School Admissions Test (LSAT) is a significant problem facing humanities students who want to make lots of money after they graduate. However, the LSAT is often organized as if future law students were being trained to be paper-pushing zombies. Although the arguments section of the LSAT does have some relevance to the kind of work done by lawyers, the extremely reductive nature of these arguments gives a false impression of the complexities and nuance of legal work. While parts of the reading comprehension section of the LSAT can provide interesting information about various and sundry topics, most reading passages are deliberately designed to put readers to sleep. Moreover, the situations presented in the logic games section of the LSAT have little or nothing to do with situations future law students might encounter in their legal careers. Finally, the writing sample of the LSAT, which is not even scored, exists for no apparent reason except to prolong the agony of LSAT takers and prevent them from getting back outside to enjoy the rest of their Saturdays. Therefore the LSAT, for all its demonstrated ability to distinguish between potential law students, must be regarded as demon spawn and dealt with accordingly.
Although a small but increasing number of passages in the reading comprehension section of the LSAT provide information on truly riveting topics -- for instance, child care and working mothers -- a majority of the reading comprehension section consists of treatises on dense and tedious topics such as how the discovery of new archaeological evidence affects contemporary theories. Such passages are so utterly dull that if a deranged homicidal chicken were to somehow make an appearance therein, even the most astute readers would likely not notice, and by the time they reached the question about the psychotic poultry it would be far too late.
In LSAT training courses offered by test prep companies such as Kaplan, instructors teach future law students to skim these passages, highlighting or otherwise marking critical words like "however" and "moreover"; however, this strategy does not always help, because often the makers of the LSAT will add irrelevant information in the clauses after these words just to frustrate test takers. Moreover, this strategy encourages future law school students to cut corners in the interest of selecting the credited response. However, if students want to maximize their score on the LSAT, they will continue to search for ways to game the test. Moreover, under no circumstances will this ever be different; in other words, it will never change.
In training for the logic games section of the LSAT, future law students must learn how to associate letters and numbers in ways that are entirely useless and anything but profound. Most people regardless of profession have never found themselves in a situation which called for determining all the possible ways to display, for instance, seven different varieties of fruit in a fruit stand based upon a given set of arbitrary logical relations. Although some may find it entertaining to determine where Maggie could sit on a six-person bus given that she is not sitting in an aisle seat and must be at least one row behind John, but not in the same row as Grace, the majority of us just want to shoot ourselves.
Therefore I propose that we burn all extant copies of the LSAT and conduct admission to law schools based on a lottery system. Although this may lead some future law students to assume little challenge or responsibility, the majority would not be forced to feel as if their eyes were crossing and their brains were melting every time they had to read something new. But so long as our society continues to value lawyers, future law students will continue happily and willingly selling their souls.
Although a small but increasing number of passages in the reading comprehension section of the LSAT provide information on truly riveting topics -- for instance, child care and working mothers -- a majority of the reading comprehension section consists of treatises on dense and tedious topics such as how the discovery of new archaeological evidence affects contemporary theories. Such passages are so utterly dull that if a deranged homicidal chicken were to somehow make an appearance therein, even the most astute readers would likely not notice, and by the time they reached the question about the psychotic poultry it would be far too late.
In LSAT training courses offered by test prep companies such as Kaplan, instructors teach future law students to skim these passages, highlighting or otherwise marking critical words like "however" and "moreover"; however, this strategy does not always help, because often the makers of the LSAT will add irrelevant information in the clauses after these words just to frustrate test takers. Moreover, this strategy encourages future law school students to cut corners in the interest of selecting the credited response. However, if students want to maximize their score on the LSAT, they will continue to search for ways to game the test. Moreover, under no circumstances will this ever be different; in other words, it will never change.
In training for the logic games section of the LSAT, future law students must learn how to associate letters and numbers in ways that are entirely useless and anything but profound. Most people regardless of profession have never found themselves in a situation which called for determining all the possible ways to display, for instance, seven different varieties of fruit in a fruit stand based upon a given set of arbitrary logical relations. Although some may find it entertaining to determine where Maggie could sit on a six-person bus given that she is not sitting in an aisle seat and must be at least one row behind John, but not in the same row as Grace, the majority of us just want to shoot ourselves.
Therefore I propose that we burn all extant copies of the LSAT and conduct admission to law schools based on a lottery system. Although this may lead some future law students to assume little challenge or responsibility, the majority would not be forced to feel as if their eyes were crossing and their brains were melting every time they had to read something new. But so long as our society continues to value lawyers, future law students will continue happily and willingly selling their souls.
All hail Demon Lord LSAT.
1. Which of the following best characterizes the author's attitude toward the LSAT?
A. Unflinching support
B. Guarded optimism
C. Ironic detachment
D. Scathing criticism
E. Wants to have its babies
1. Which of the following best characterizes the author's attitude toward the LSAT?
A. Unflinching support
B. Guarded optimism
C. Ironic detachment
D. Scathing criticism
E. Wants to have its babies
Jesse Jones is a senior in the College of Arts and Science. He can be reached at .
