Yeah, I know. I've gone on and on about sweaters and sweater sets and how to make what you wear interesting. I've practically told you how to knit your own sweaters by now. However, the reason I beat this point into the ground is that it is such a crucial male fashion apparatus. Furthermore, even for all of my hot air and exasperated jumping and waving in the air — I still see Vander-men messing this up. It's OK though, champions of Vanderbilt. I'm here to solve those fashion crises.

Let’s begin with what is acceptable to wear under a sweater. Now repeat after me, there are two options for additions to sweaters — light undershirts or a button down collared shirt. Polos do not work with sweater sets. For you see my friends, a plus of a sweater set is looking preppy and polished. However, the general lackadaisical nature of a polo collar looks odd when compared to the panache of a stiff button down collar. A nice starched collar really brings the look together and can take you to a whole new preppy level – a hot commodity at Vanderbilt. The light undershirt is useful just to give a splash of color to your sweater — akin to matching your undershirt to the pony on your polo. Also on a side note, if you are wearing argyle do not under any circumstances wear a bold stripe for your undershirt. You’ll look like a walking optical illusion.

So once you’ve got all the pieces assembled, what’s next? I’m going to go ahead and assume that you actually know how to put the sweater set on, so I’ll leave that alone. However, what do you do about the sleeves? This is a question best answered by the context that you’re wearing your new best friend. In a more informal or even a muggier atmosphere, pull the sweater up to about an inch to a half-inch beyond your elbow and roll your cuffs to match. However, when dressing to impress (i.e. formal occasions or even on a date) you should keep those sleeves down and have the cuffs of your shirt peaking out of your sleeves somewhere between a quarter to a half an inch. Don’t be that guy who has his cuffs shabbily covering his hands like he borrowed his shirt from daddy — it’s not a turn on for that date of yours. Also make sure that if you keep your sleeves down that your sweater is form fitting (not tight, but form fitting) so as not to appear as though grandma was dressing you in the sweater she knit you. Just generally try to avoid any associations with your clothes and your older relatives – again, it’s a turn off.

I would like to finish off with the kind of sweaters you should be wearing. Simple monochromatic or tasteful argyle (meaning that the argyle needs to be a simple pattern or at least not covering the entirety of the sweater — if so, you may be a tool) are the best in either a v-neck or a crew neck. Aforementioned "Cosby Sweaters" and the new bane of my existence — cable knit sweaters — are not optimal for this mode of fashion. They are much too heavy and you'll most likely look husky due to how thick and bunchy these sweaters can appear. Contrary to popular belief, half-zip sweaters don’t work with sweater sets. They are generally too stout to add another layer like a button down underneath and will generally look a bit odd with anything other than a simple undershirt. For you see Vander-men, the point to this style is looking thin and light while still feeling warm. Try a blazer (or if you are of the daring type — a scarf!) if this sartorial combo does not get the job done for you — just make sure your choices match. Otherwise Vander-men, all the work you put into this attempted fashion experiment will be redirected into how to not be called a style meltdown.